I'm feeling like my bottom rung dreams are fantastical. On the verge to sacrificing my soul to failure and mediocrity.
decided to download audiobooks to listen to when i paint. listening to "the sun also rises" by hemingway now. this in turn, has made me watch bullfights on youtube for hours. im kind of obsessed with the brutal art of it. i think ill incorporate some elements into future paintings. i like the stances they have, its to beautiful to be arrogant. ive been in a state as of late. overwhelming boredom. my vices are no longer giving me the elation i need. even betting on puppies online isnt working. no cheap rushes from chariot racing wagers, kissing boys, drinking beers. im seeking solace at this point, a guide of some sort. and its certainly not going to be jesus. im also bored of my work. not really sure where to go from here. i want to amp it up a bit. one of the workers at sam flax gave me some tips on adding some colors to my flesh palatte. ive added cadmium red medium, prussian green, and italian burnt sienna. here are some preview with those colors in the mix. still, i feel the need for one more color. maybe something blue, i dont know, ill go this week and try to bother him again for advice. my collector/friend is coming in town in 10 days. he is really good at giving me insight into improving my work. i respect his opinion whole heartily. my friend called me today to hang some art up at his bar because mtv is filming a show there! so my art will be in the background. i dont know what show it is, or any details, but i am crossing my fingers its "teen mom" or something equally horrendous. i got new pieces coming. i know ive been shitty. just putting alot of energy into the bar, trying to get some nights going off. i started a chat roulette night, on the big screen. its really vile, and the customers love it. i also started a goth night, and have been really bumping up the sales for the bar. i like the owners alot, and well, really, i cant believe anyone actually offered me a job, so i want to do whatever i can to help the new business succeed. updates. i purchased my first motor vehicle. i was you tubing videos on how to fix common ailments of mopeds, and suggested videos were how to clean carbs on weed wackers haha, which speaks for the size of the engine. i cant ride on most roads, because ill die, but i can get to my most common destinations by weaving through neighborhoods. it keeps my feet from bleeding, which they have been doing alot of lately, from walking everywhere. a piece of my tooth feel out the other night. its from biting paintbrushes. i cant use my left side of my mouth, but thats nothing new. a boy touched me. ruining peoples favorite shirts is my hobby. my friend was mad at me because she got paint on her hoodie from being in my room. she wasn't mad about the paint, but rather the color, a yellow orchre, so it looked like she went out of control on some hot dogs and got mustard all over her. haha. ive been looking at ancient greek vases, redoing interpretations. im working on a sphinx now. i entered my first juried contest, with my joan of arc piece. im hoping ill win something. i find out in may i think, and april if or if not i get accepted. i started curating. im doing a show in april, the theme is orlando bartenders. im meeting up with will, from will's pub today to take photos to work from. will's pub is one of my favorite bars. its a place you can spit on the floor and hear hungry musicians play. my roomie has a new lady friend. i make her come in my filthy room and model for me. she has a beautiful throat. danielle models for me. her body can move in unnatural ways, which i love. ok, after the 10th, my life will slow down a bit. thats why ive been shitty at updating. i curated my first art show at substance gallery. it had a really good turnout. it went over really smoothly, even though it was haphazardly planned. im curating another show in april. i took pictures of some of the artists looking to cool for school. been crazy busy. i work 6 days this week, covering my roomies shifts. i won orlando's 2nd best artist from the daily city. i also got asked to do the cover for orlando weekly! super stoked on that. my new job is pretty cool. i heard some customers talking about my art, not knowing i am the bartender. in a good way. i got some new paintings that are almost completed. i also have some new models. operation dream home. "87 dodge van a/c unit on roof works perfect, 87,000mi has toilet ,sink,bed ,you can live in this van ,runs good inside is real nice ,all it needs is a paint job," its so ugly, i love it. i dont think $900 vans with toilets are flying off the shelves, so i may actually be able to buy it in the next few weeks. i started my new job (one day a week) ha. its sweet so far. its a dark bar, and i look good in the dark. i have to learn about beers that arent pbrs. i purchased soap the other day, and it didn't break me financially. i guess thats how normal people live. then i lost all my cash somehow. probably from throwing my purse, which i do alot. i didnt want to put it in my bank account because its over drafted. the cops have yet to kick us out, every day i am thankful, more so than before. my friend lauren gave me a bunch of canvas because she moved. hung a show today, been fucking stressed and busy. after the holidays, ill be able to breathe again. i need to buy a car s, some shit beater, so i wont be homeless. |
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