operation dream home.
"87 dodge van a/c unit on roof works perfect, 87,000mi has toilet ,sink,bed ,you can live in this van ,runs good inside is real nice ,all it needs is a paint job,"

its so ugly, i love it. i dont think $900 vans with toilets are flying off the shelves, so i may actually be able to buy it in the next few weeks.

i started my new job (one day a week) ha. its sweet so far. its a dark bar, and i look good in the dark. i have to learn about beers that arent pbrs. i purchased soap the other day, and it didn't break me financially. i guess thats how normal people live. then i lost all my cash somehow. probably from throwing my purse, which i do alot. i didnt want to put it in my bank account because its over drafted.
the cops have yet to kick us out, every day i am thankful, more so than before.
my friend lauren gave me a bunch of canvas because she moved.
hung a show today, been fucking stressed and busy. after the holidays, ill be able to breathe again.
i need to buy a car s, some shit beater, so i wont be homeless.

its 1am and i just landed a job bar tending. looks like ill be sticking around. i start tuesday.  i love when people tell me their secrets, so it seems like a suitable job.

a couch was confirmed for me in the city of new orleans. i picked up some chicory coffee from the grocery store. its brewing now. im using this cup of coffee to help me decide if i should buy a bus ticket. im counting on the flavor to stir something in my heart. because right now, all i am working with is the allure of ghosts, old buildings and a handful of vampire novels i read in high school.
i have until the sheriff comes to decide, which i have no idea when that will be.
there is freedom in having nothing.

ooohhh. look who got on the multiple choice for best artist for the daily city!

everything in my life is going to shit. all at once.
lawyers are on our case now, eviction is imminent.
i don't want to give in.
finding what you actually want to do with your life, and doing it is like hitting the top of maslow's pyramid. like the food pyramid, the top is where everything you actually want is. the sweetness.

except maybe im just trying to do it instead of having any viable success.
but that takes time, and time is no longer on my side.
i dont mind living in squalor, or pangs of hunger, but i need a quite place to hide and work.
living a life without passion isnt one worth living.
 the freedom from the oppression of rent has helped me make leaps and bounds in quality, at least. im not anywhere perfection yet, far, far from it, but there is a visible improvement since i quit my job and put my heart and soul into painting.
im debating if i should just break in another foreclosed home, and make it my own. or just leaving. my friend said i could sleep on her couch in nola awhile back. emailed her to see if thats still an option.
i can sell paintings on the street, lurk in old graveyards and drink chicory coffee.
a new city would be nice, i want to be anonymous for awhile.
i just dont want to be a couch surfer leech in orlando.
if im homeless, i may as well go somewhere beautiful.
vanish and work.
there was some good stuff, but, like everything else good thats been happening to me, it all gets scraped, because the avalanche of feces keeps washing it away.

wendy models for me, ive been wanting to paint her since ive met her.